funny quotes

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back….. Charlie Brown
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.--- George Carlin
No one is listening until you fart. ~Author Unknown
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.--George Carlin
And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. --- Abraham Lincoln

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat -----Lily Tomlin
Don’t look back, somebody might be gaining on you --- Satchel Paige
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred…..Woody Allen
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown
Don't let someone be a priority in your life when you are still an option in their life…unknown
No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.....George Carlin
Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, you’ll be right… unknown
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy's Law
People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.--- Robert Frost
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.-- Will Rogers
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."…. Charles M Schulz
I think I've discovered the secret of life -you just hang around until you get used to it .--Charles M Schulz
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think... George Carlin
I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.--- unknown
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.-- Mark Twain
Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.----Jack Buck

Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.---Swedish Proverb

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